Sports Hernia Blog

Columnists you know you want to party with

Let us preface this post by saying that we’re aware our cyber homeboys down in St. Louis already posted something of similar nature to this.  What can we say, kindred spirits.  I mean, who else would be transfixed by both The Slammer and Ray Rotto?  (Well done, Joe Sports Fan.)

Filipbondy

It?s extremely rare that you find a human with the name Filip, and even rarer to find a columnist like Bondy, who can pull off this mesmerizing look of lure and intrigue simply by waking up in the morning.  Yes ladies, he?s looking at you, and he?s quite sure you?re already on your way over.  But be warned: his Filip and Flee move will leave you alone with a love spot brimming with Bondy juice. 

If you get left with this guy?s scraps, consider yourself pretty damn lucky.

*** 

Mitchlawrence

There?s subtlety and then there?s Mitch Lawrence.  Jesus Mitch, why you don?t just wear a shirt that says, ?Your dong just lost it?s chance.?  Game.  Set.  Mitch. 

While you may argue he looks like he was just informed that there?s a house for sale on ebay made entirely of Star Wars figures, you?d be wrong.  He?s just doing his best to level the playing field, if that?s even possible.

***

Rayratto

Thinking about going hoggin??  Rotto?s your guy.  The man could sniff out a bachelorette party from three towns over and then wash it down with a few biker girls.  Stamina-deficient need not apply.

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Timtuttle

Normally hearing a name like Tim Tuttle would inspire images of someone no bigger than the leprechaun on the Lucky Charms box and no smoother than Lawrence Frank.  Not so here.  Once the race is over, those Harry Caray glasses are being worn by some chick?s bulbous rack.  Safe to say,
Tuttle is the tits.

***

Theslammernydailynews

The Slammer writes about wrestling for the New York Daily News.  While that statement in itself is completely amazing, the reason we?re left with such mystery here is because when he isn?t watching Raw or Smackdown and acting out all the moves, he?s plowing through enough Manhattan
cougars to make Don Draper stand up and applaud.  Without that mask, he’d be mauled to bits by aging sluts still hungry for his finishing move.

8 Comments

  1. John

    October 17, 2008 at 1:55 pm

    I believe it will be a baker’s dozen for The Slammer when he wins his next Pulitzer.

  2. tamtam

    October 17, 2008 at 2:29 pm

    harry caray would be proud to know that oversize glasses have not gone outta style…yet. good job, tuttle!

  3. Don Draper

    October 17, 2008 at 2:49 pm

    Don’t think of them as “sports columnists.” Think of them as, “chroniclers of dreams.”

  4. Zen Wizard

    October 17, 2008 at 2:51 pm

    ^ Okay that was really me, but it sounded cool.

    I actually think of them as “asteroids circling the gravitational force caused by Hoops Weiss’ toupee.”

  5. JoeSportsFan

    October 17, 2008 at 7:49 pm

    The line about Slammer acting out the moves is priceless.

  6. Amani Bloomer

    October 18, 2008 at 1:22 am

    The Slammer reminds me of Carvel Ice Cream.

  7. How do you spell retard?

    October 18, 2008 at 11:39 pm

    Holy Valhall! Genius.
    The Nobel Prize for Blogging goes to…

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