Sports Hernia Blog

New Rangers beat writer off to blistering start

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The Rangers new beat writer for the Daily News Michael Obernauer is off to a popular start with his readers following a lengthy recap detailing the team’s exhibition game in Europe, written as if he were working for a newspaper in St. Louis.

As you can see from the comments, he’s already adored here in New York.

But being the generous folks we are, here are some examples of what Obernauer could have written instead so as to avoid the unfavorable, early backlash:

Rangers tune up with rout
BY MICHAEL OBERNAUER

The Rangers scored, they play again soon.

***

Rangers tune up with rout
BY MICHAEL OBERNAUER

Rangers ended up with a bunch of goals. Be in touch after next game.

***

Rangers tune up with rout
BY MICHAEL OBERNAUER

The Rangers of New York were victorious in an exhibition hockey contest that took place in the country of Europe. Goodbye.

***

Rangers tune up with rout
BY MICHAEL OBERNAUER

NYR 8 SC Bern 1. TTYL. LOL.

***

Rangers tune up with rout
BY MICHAEL OBERNAUER

The New York Rangers played hockey – ice hockey.  Some players scored goals.  They’ll play again in the first-ever Victoria Cup game of ice hockey, which is probably meaningful or something.

***

Rangers tune up with rout
BY MICHAEL OBERNAUER

To be honest, I’m watching the MLB playoffs, not preseason fucking hockey. You want a recap and analysis, go to a fucking hockey blog.

***

Rangers tune up with rout
BY MICHAEL OBERNAUER

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15 Comments

  1. MICHAEL OBERNAUER

    October 2, 2008 at 2:58 pm

    Yabba Dabba Do, the Markus Naslund ate my shoe!

  2. MICHAEL OBERNAUER

    October 2, 2008 at 3:07 pm

    NYR – Something, Someone else – Something else

  3. MICHAEL OBERNAUER

    October 2, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    I like what I see from the Rangers but I can’t tell you what that is yet. Secret.

    – MICHAEL OBERNAUER

  4. MICHAEL OBERNAUER

    October 2, 2008 at 3:39 pm

    Wingdings!!

  5. MICHAEL OBERNAUER

    October 2, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    I saw some neat stuff with your Rangers, but I have to tell you about it later (got a chick in the room). LOL.

    – MICHAEL OBERNAUER

  6. chuckv

    October 2, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    Sam Weinstein FTW

  7. Christian Debt Reduction

    October 2, 2008 at 5:37 pm

    Let’s wait until the baseball season is over before we go into pre-season hockey!

  8. Zen Wizard

    October 2, 2008 at 6:56 pm

    RANGERS TUNE UP WITH TONY–THE OBSESSIVE MECHANIC ON “SEINFELD.”

    Beat bunch of pussy European teams. Coming back; will play real teams.

    Learned “brevity” in Journalism School. Professor proud.

    Enjoying European junket; loose chicks. Pit hair weird; adapting.

    Might actually watch next game. I mean “match”–is hockey.

    Zen Wizard, Sports Hernia Blog.

  9. Max Hunter

    October 2, 2008 at 8:29 pm

    Oh man! Do you mean to tell me we have better hockey coverage in Tampa?! Whoo-Hoo! We’re in the friggin’ south and our writers right better coverage! *LMAO* No really – I’m just kidding. It sounds like he just got out of college and hasn’t put down his joint yet! F**kin’ incredible.

    *****

    Rangers good. Other team not so good. Shot puck. Into net. More at eleven. Tomorrow.

    BY Michael Obernauer
    DAILY NEWS SPORTS WRITER

  10. MICHAEL OBERNAUER

    October 2, 2008 at 11:50 pm

    Rangers tune up with rout
    BY MICHAEL OBERNAUER

    Ranger player score. I hit keyboard. Everyone lose.

  11. michael obernauer

    October 4, 2008 at 1:43 am

    lol rangers pwnd euros, brb bathroom

  12. ForWhomJayBellTolls

    October 4, 2008 at 9:13 pm

    Super Bowl Recap

    by MICHAEL OBERNAUER

    The Giants scored in the fourth quarter to pull away from the Patriots by a final score of 17-14. The game was played in Arizona.

  13. Scott @ WFNY

    October 6, 2008 at 1:11 pm

    Rangers tune up with rout
    BY MICHAEL OBERNAUER

    Good gaym. Kbai!

  14. Da Gusha

    October 6, 2008 at 2:17 pm

    RANGRZ FTW

    BY MICHAEL OBERNAUER

    lol hai gaiz, teh Rangrz won 2day bi whuppn sum azz on teh ise! Pussi Yuroz dun no wut hit em ROFL! BBS 2 Amerika 2 plai sum reel teemz and will win then 2! TTFN, <3 Mike

    Seriously, this guy might as well do his beat reporting in LOLcat. His readership would understand it better.

  15. abiye

    February 2, 2009 at 10:47 am

    Something, Someone else – Something else

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