Sports Hernia Blog

Other things you can’t do for two innings in Chicago


It’s a sad day in Wrigleyville today as bars in the surrounding area were pretty much forced to go along with the city?s new
"seventh inning break rule"
for the Cubs? upcoming playoffs.  The "voluntary" rule follows the actions of the actual ballpark itself, meaning no alcohol is served from the end of the
seventh inning to the end of the game, during games in which the Cubs have an opportunity to clinch. 

This of course will automatically translate to people not drinking like crazy after the game, because those two pivotal dry innings will have provided the needed clarity to make the right decision and head on home. 

That or get people will be so hyped to drink again, the only way to find out where their night took them is to follow the puke path.

Here’s a look at the fallout of the new rule and how some of the bars are handling it.

Other new stipulations:

– No boinking in the ladies room (men’s stalls still permitted)
– No ball tricks
– No blacking out; if you’re blacked out, you must return for this period of time
– No throwing ice cubes into cleavage
– No cheering someone on to throw ice cubes into cleavage
– No thinking about baseball for at least 15 minutes
– No sneaking ass squeezes when your girlfriend/wife isn’t looking
– No dry humping the shot girl
– Must remove drinking helmets
– Must have a polish, brat or beef in your mouth during this timeframe

Things that might happen in those two sober innings:

– Cats will be saved from trees
– You’ll remember to feed your dog Santo
– It will finally hit you: Jeanine Lewis was the one, true love of your life!
– The lyrics from Edwin Starr’s "War" song will finally hit you: "War! What is it good for Absolutely nothing!"
– Look at that, you just solved a Rubik’s Cube
– Your jokes will suck
– Your girlfriend will look ugly again
– You’ll realize how gay it is to be wearing a jersey and promptly run to the bathroom with your flask

Bonuses of new rule:

– 6th inning is now the 15-for-1 beer special plus 5 free shots at every bar in Wrigleyville
– Innings 1 through 5 are now ‘what-the-fuck free everything’ innings


  1. Marv

    October 1, 2008 at 6:10 pm

    I’m going to finish reading Gravity’s Rainbow during that time period. Maybe take a crack at War & Peace too.

  2. Truth About It Dot Net

    October 2, 2008 at 12:12 am

    Aren’t minis made for instances like this?

    Get drunk Chicago….get drunk and burn stuff.

  3. JA

    October 2, 2008 at 10:11 am

    I mean really what do you think the 5th and and 6th inning will be like? “Dude their gonna fuckin cut us off soon, get four!!”

  4. JA

    October 2, 2008 at 10:12 am


  5. JA

    October 2, 2008 at 10:13 am

    strike 2 i meant they’re

  6. Zen Wizard

    October 2, 2008 at 10:22 am

    ?I think that it?s a way to prove that we can handle large crowds if we get the Olympics,? Way says.

    That is some long-range thinking–I was kind of more worried about the meltdown of the New York banking system than I was about a bunch of tightwad foreigners in 2016.

  7. Marv

    October 3, 2008 at 1:28 am

    Well, looks like the Booze Ban Curse will join the ranks of the Billy Goat and Bartman

  8. tamtam

    October 6, 2008 at 3:30 pm

    @ marv

    lol! agreed

  9. Sammy Sosa

    October 8, 2008 at 4:06 am

    This was just a joke, everyone. Remember, they said only if the Cubs had a chance to clinch! Whoever wrote the rule had quite the sense of humor.

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