Sports Hernia Blog

Plaxico Burress…

Plax1_3

… will never doubt the powers of the Vulcun neck grip ever again
… is lucky he’s unconscious because Human Pacman is about to gobble his head up
… has been found and properly dealt with by Charles Widmore’s muscle
… was struck in the head by one of the baseballs the Fox NFL robot kept launching into the stands
… passed out after accidentally using Shaun O’Hara’s jock for oxygen
… is on the unfortunate end of a sleeper hold from none other than renowned New York accountant Irwin R. Schyster
… just wishes the soothing sounds of nature were playing, but otherwise this neck rub feels damn good
… is being checked out by the MIB to see if he is an alien life form
… has become the Prince Valium of the NFL
… is catching up on sleep that he missed from having to drive his kid to preschool
… has doubts about this guy really being Mr. Miyagi

6 Comments

  1. Upstate Underdog

    October 20, 2008 at 3:03 pm

    …just needs a hug

  2. Jason @ IIATMS

    October 20, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    Cannot wake up from the bad breath fog emitted by the NYG ballboy, fresh off a night of boozing at “Steve’s Sizzling Steaks” on Route 17.

  3. tamtam

    October 20, 2008 at 4:56 pm

    …really really needs a nap. what else can you do during the timeouts and commercial breaks?

    plus, he just wants someone to sing him a lullabye :)

  4. Harvey Bars

    October 20, 2008 at 5:04 pm

    …wishes he knew Ernie Johnson’s secret to having such silky, soft hands.

  5. Stonehands

    October 20, 2008 at 5:11 pm

    … is doing just fine, which makes us wonder why his mysterious masseuse is bawling his eyes out.

  6. Jason @ IIATMS

    October 21, 2008 at 11:30 am

    auto-asphyxiation eroticism on the sidelines?

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