- Five Thirty Eight Sets Internet Ablaze With Shocking Report
- Johnny Football’s Money Sign Becomes Latest NFL Star to Retire Early
- Learn The Ins & Outs Of Beer Can Chicken From Clyde McFly
- LeBron’s Wild Hairline Fits Larry O’Brien Trophy … and a Chew Toy
- “Danny Farts Ball” Video Has 500K Views
- The Boston Globe Has Officially Stopped Giving A Shit
- Detroit Lions Take Sucking to An All New Level
- Sepp Blatter Resigns, Vince McMahon Rumored as Replacement
- Family Guy Called the Bruce Jenner “Situation” Quite Some Time Ago; Twice
- T.J. Miller Wins Hernia Immunity For 25 Years
Detroit and Daunte
- Updated: November 5, 2008
We're finding it very difficult here at the Hernia to get over this Daunte Culpepper-Detroit Lions union. It's like Jose Luis Rivera coming out of retirement to join someone's already horrific backyard Wrestling League. As Bill Walton would say, "Terrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrible."
Let's have some fun with his recent quote:
Detroit Lions seemed to be the best fit for me,? Culpepper told The Associated
Press in an e-mail.
OR what he meant to say…
"Since Cincinnati won its first game, the choice was clear: I had to go to the worst team in the league."
?Because expectations can't get any lower, it's the Detroit Lions for Daunte."
"Limiting myself to two picks per game might be deemed positive in a place like Detroit, so that made my decision easy. Plus, it was my only option.?
"I mean, c'mon! We're talking about the great city of Detroit. I had to go there."
"Detroit does great things, like this. And I love White Castle."
"I guess what I'm trying to say is, if I can suck, and the Lions can suck, this whole city can suck."
And at his physical, I'm sure we can expect…
… his knee to detach, say "Fuck this shit" and walk right out
… nothing, absolutely nothing
… doctors to get distracted by a streaking Randy Moss while Culpepper forges the papers
… a Chris Spielman figurine in the doctor's office to come to life and sack
… the doctor to put a garbage bag on his head before he conducts the physical
… it to be performed by Matt Millen
… Vinnie Testaverde to be on deck at the next table