Sports Hernia Blog

Detroit and Daunte

Lions fan miserable
We're finding it very difficult here at the Hernia to get over this Daunte Culpepper-Detroit Lions union.  It's like Jose Luis Rivera coming out of retirement to join someone's already horrific backyard Wrestling League.  As Bill Walton would say, "Terrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrible." 

Let's have some fun with his recent quote:

?As a result of doing some research on different places to play, the
Detroit Lions seemed to be the best fit for me,? Culpepper told The Associated
Press in an e-mail.

OR what he meant to say…

"Since Cincinnati won its first game, the choice was clear:  I had to go to the worst team in the league."

?Because expectations can't get any lower, it's the Detroit Lions for Daunte."

"Limiting myself to two picks per game might be deemed positive in a place like Detroit, so that made my decision easy.  Plus, it was my only option.?

"I mean, c'mon!  We're talking about the great city of Detroit.  I had to go there."

"Detroit does great things, like this.  And I love White Castle."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, if I can suck, and the Lions can suck, this whole city can suck."

And at his physical, I'm sure we can expect…

… his knee to detach, say "Fuck this shit" and walk right out

… nothing, absolutely nothing

… doctors to get distracted by a streaking Randy Moss while Culpepper forges the papers

… a Chris Spielman figurine in the doctor's office to come to life and sack
Daunte's sack

… the doctor to put a garbage bag on his head before he conducts the physical

… it to be performed by Matt Millen

… Vinnie Testaverde to be on deck at the next table

4 Comments

  1. Gellman

    November 5, 2008 at 11:54 am

    Im glad Detroit fans are about as good with apostrophe placement as they are with drafting good Wide Receiver’s.

  2. Biff Love

    November 5, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    Can we get a bailout plan for this team, how embarrassing.

  3. tamtam

    November 5, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    somewhere, last years miami dolphins are laughing and pointing, saying ‘haha! finally theres a team thats shittier then us!’

  4. Genelia

    November 6, 2008 at 6:47 am

    Word on the street is that Daunte Culpepper skipped out on visiting the Kansas City Chiefs for a better offer, which came from the Detroit Lions. It’s like Jose Luis Rivera coming out of retirement to join someone’s already horrific backyard Wrestling League. Daunte Culpepper, recently unretired, is officially a Detroit Lion. In recent years, he’s hawked his wares in Miami and Oakland, and had an opportunity to sign as a backup in Green Bay this season before choosing retirement.
    —————
    Genelia

    Guaranteed ROI

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