Sports Hernia Blog

Exclusive: Sports Hernia obtains A-Rod’s poems to Madonna

The Chicago Sun-Times reported today that sources close to Madonna say she is "truly smitten by A-Rod," allegedly telling a close pal Rodriguez ''has the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body.'' 

Like we didn't already know that.

More importantly, the Hernia mole was able to track down one of his trusty entertainment insiders and obtain a few of the cherished poems that were penned so eloquently by the adored Yankee.

"Saw you in the movie Swept Away
And needless to say,
I wish it were me with you on that beach.
There?d be so many things, that I could teach
Like how to fish for sea trout
Or how to swing and strike out.
How to find shelter in the rainy season
Or hide from danger like I do in the postseason
I can start a fire with my frosted tips
And attract fish with my purple lips.
So forget that British Guy
I?ll be your bloke
With me there?d be no hunger
But plenty of choke."


"Don?t care if it?s Christianity or Kaballah
I?m always gonna follow ya,
?Cause your pale, scary,
sinewy arms
Are like my personal
Lucky Charms.
?Tis true, I just cannot stop
You?re my Queen of
snap, crackle and Pop."


"Your rigid body, I cannot deny,
Can surely make a grown man cry
'Tis your masculine backside
Where I want to make a head-first slide
Won't you take me to this La Isla Bonita
We can have a three-way with my friend,

Miguel Batista."


Seems like I'm going to lose my mind

You just keep on pushing my love

Over the Borderline.


  1. How do you spell retard?

    November 11, 2008 at 1:16 pm


  2. tamtam

    November 11, 2008 at 1:43 pm

    alex, you’ve hit rock bottom…


  3. Von Kaiser

    November 11, 2008 at 3:38 pm

    Standing ovation.

  4. kevin

    November 11, 2008 at 3:40 pm

    Ya know, I believe these are pretty close to accurate.

  5. Red Faux

    November 11, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    You’ve outdone yourselves on this one guys.


    November 11, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    He should turn that last poem into the hook for a catchy pop tune.

  7. Stonehands

    November 11, 2008 at 4:11 pm

    I imagine he makes that face during the critical portions of the brainstorming process.

  8. Ricky - Sixers4guidos

    November 11, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    great job, except the guy on the pic is clearly Reggie Theus

  9. spencer096

    November 11, 2008 at 5:07 pm

    that was funny as fuck.

  10. TOWWL

    November 12, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    *snaps fingers*

  11. buckflex

    November 12, 2008 at 9:32 pm

    Does Eddy Lombardo know A-rod is sending his girlfriend love poems? and by the way, those are plagarized from

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