Sports Hernia Blog

Mascot’s action shot likely to get you to buy ‘Wolves tickets

Bam!  Pow!  Can you feel it?  Minnesota Timberwolves basketball is back, people. 

What, you’re not into it yet?  But this is Crunch, the team’s shitty crazy mascot. 

Don’t you dare tell us his “ta-da!” pose right here doesn’t already have you on ticketmaster frantically searching for T-Wolves tickets, or at the very least calling up to order the NBA League Pass.

What’s with the eyes?  Looks like Michael Jackson in the Thriller video.  Teen Wolf would shit on his head if he tried this stuff with him.

No truth to the rumor that this is actually an oversized squirrel on meth who recently crashed the Ice Capades.

What’s up with the T-Wolves consistently lame, “creepy” Halloween font.  Are they trying to be scary?

Speaking of the uniform, would it kill you put on some shorts, Crunch?  Get dressed, ya perv. 


  1. Von Kaiser

    November 12, 2008 at 12:08 pm

    Wonder if this was the Ice Capades that he crashed?

  2. zen wizard

    November 12, 2008 at 1:39 pm

    If Youppi and Crunch were in the same prison cell, Youppi would probably end up being Crunch’s bitch.

    But still…

  3. Mack

    November 12, 2008 at 1:44 pm

    check out this hilarious video!

  4. swiffer

    November 12, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    Spam alert!

  5. How do you spell retard?

    November 12, 2008 at 3:38 pm

    I’ve always found the shirt-no pants look even creepier than the totally naked look.
    It’s like the mascot is saying, “I don’t want to be completely nude, I just want to show you my dick”.

  6. tamtam

    November 12, 2008 at 3:52 pm

    @ how do you spell retard:

    i agree w/ you. its full uniform or none at all! none of that shirt but no pants look and vice versa. its unnatural!

  7. zen wizard

    November 12, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    “Noted for his thunderous, acrobatic dunks, playful interaction with the fans and his ability to energize the crowd, Crunch is an important part of an evening with the Timberwolves.”

    Yes, Crunch is the only mascot in professional basketball history who has ever dunked a basketball with the aid of a trampoline. He is the Thomas Edison of mascots. Oh, yeah–and he singlehandedly invented the handstand. But not shooting stuff into the crowd–that was the Phillie Phanatic.

  8. Stonehands

    November 12, 2008 at 4:27 pm

    @ HDYSR & Zen Wizard: +1,000

  9. Soy

    November 13, 2008 at 2:48 am

    I had no idea the cross-eyed look was in.

  10. Ricky - Sixers4guidos

    November 14, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    wondeful, he dramatically reminds me of the Hanna & Barbera “Banana Split” tv show, I think he escaped from that stage

    (which btw dramatically shows how my sorry ass is old…)

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