Sports Hernia Blog

Ken Rosensquirrel, essential to the holiday Hot Stove

Ken-Rosensquirrel
Most baseball fans, readers of the great MLBTradeRumors and surely anyone who stops here on occasion knows by now the familiar face of one Ken Rosensquirrel.

Now while our little friend from Fox is best known for popping out of the camera pit during weekend games and the playoffs to deliver various nuggets throughout the broadcast, he also works 'round the clock, particularly during the holiday season, to give us endless reports on all the happenings throughout baseball's offseason of trades and big free agent splashes.

So in celebration of all the hard work and thankless hours, we take a look back at some of his more memorable scoops.

December 2000
Rosenthal translates his expert water skiing skills to the slopes of Colorado during Mike Hampton's free agent visit, eventually prying away the pitcher's intentions to sign with the Rockies during a friendly ride on the chairlift.  Hampton would sign an atrocious, 8-year, $123 million deal the next day.  Rosenthal would later go on to uncover the Denny Neagle prostitution scandal by, well, he just happened to be there.  He wasn't trying to score a tiny little hooker of his own.

December 2005
Swinging from Johnny Damon's famous locks of hair, the little guy learns that the centerfielder will not only bolt to the Yankees, but that he is completely incapable of carrying on anything resembling a conversation.

December 2006
Hiding in the cup holder of Scott Boras' Lamborghini, Rosenquirrel scores the outrageous terms of Barry Zito's franchise-killing deal, one of the biggest scoops of the offseason.

May 2007
Rosenthal takes tiny hot-air balloon ride
directly into George Steinbrenner's box just moments before Roger
Clemens addresses the Yankee Stadium crowd, thus becoming the first to
learn that the aging Rocket will suck yet again for the Yankees.  This
would be the same day Suzyn Waldman shat herself.

October 2007
Shortly after popping out of the camera pit during game 5 of the World Series to report that A-Rod will opt-out of his deal with the Yankees, Rosenthal pops out of Matt Holliday's dip-spit cup and says, "Can you believe this stuff?"

December 2007
The aggressive reporter manages to pin little David Eckstein, forcing the gritty shortstop to confess that the only reason he signed with Toronto was because they
promised a little race car bed in his hotel room for each and every road trip.

July 2008
While riding a chihuahua around Manny Ramirez's living room, the resilient reporter overhears the colorful left fielder, referring to Boston's upper management, say "'Dere not thoopid."  Minutes later, Ramirez would become a Dodger.

4 Comments

  1. tamtam

    December 16, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    nice! thanks to you guys, i too now refer to ken rosenthal as ‘ken rosensquirrel’, much to the dismay of my fellow peers. keep up the good work and i looks forward to more rosensquirrel updates :)

  2. kevin

    December 16, 2008 at 4:59 pm

    Ken Rosensquirrel needs to find the balls to water ski on Letterman

  3. How do you spell retard?

    December 16, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    Also good hiding spots for Rosensquirrel:
    1.) John Kruk’s summer Ewok hair.
    2.) Tony Gwynn’s left tit.

    Keep up the good reporting ‘Hernia. Let’s not lose touch after graduation.

  4. TheSportsHernia

    December 18, 2008 at 9:55 am

    Nice. I can also see him popping out of Gwynn’s cleavage to recite Kevin Towers’ latest plans for the Padres.

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