Sports Hernia Blog

Finally, your Super Bowl chat with Jared from Subway

JaredFogle_phixr
We imagine most of you sports nuts out there already caught ESPN's "LIVE from Super Bowl XLIII!" chat with Jared from Subway yesterday, but for those of you who didn't, we've put together a little summary of the most poignant questions asked during the wild marathon. 

Enjoy the relevance.

***

Leon (Maryland): Do you start singing the Five Dollar footlong song whenever you see it on TV like the rest of us?

SportsNation Jared: (11:28 AM ET ) Yeah, I think it's in my dreams these days. I do get asked to sing it quite a bit. But you don't want me to do it.

Soda-PopinskiThe Sports Hernia: Hey Leon, go sing "Taps" and kill yourself.

***

Evan (Phoenix): Who do you want to be with in your next commercial? 

SportsNation Jared: (11:28 AM ET ) I just did one with Michael Phelps. It hasn't run yet. It was fun. My dream would be Peyton Manning.

Soda-PopinskiThe Sports Hernia: Fantastic question, Evan.  But more importantly, who will be in your next masturbation fantasy?

***

Steiny (NYC): So, Jared, do you eat at Subway?

SportsNation Jared: (11:32 AM ET ) My favorite now is the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki. I still eat it about twice a week. The best thing about my job is that I don't have to pay for it. 

Soda-PopinskiThe Sports Hernia: But of course Steiny, most, if not all millionaires eat at shitboxes like Subway. Get porked by Porky Pig, you curiously stupid jackass.

***

Bob (Tucson): Do you think they should have 6 feet subs on the sideline next to the Gatorade for the linemen?

SportsNation Jared: (11:33 AM ET ) Yeah, they could. That would be good. It should be the official sandwich of the NFL.

Soda-PopinskiThe Sports Hernia: No Bob, they shouldn't, that idea actually sucks.  Players would cramp up.  Not only is your joke unfunny, but it's inconsiderate.  Please die.

***

Jack (Old New Orleans): What kinds of reactions do you get when you go into Subway restaurants?

SportsNation Jared: (11:34 AM ET ) It's pretty crazy. The amount of crazy stares and the people. They can't believe. I find I freak people out a little bit.

Soda-PopinskiThe Sports Hernia: Gee Jack, I don't know about reactions, but what's with your erection?

***

Dave (Tampa): What's the worst part of being so well known?

SportsNation Jared: (11:37 AM ET ) You lose your privacy. You can't just go to a store anymore. It's part of the tradeoff, but it's worth it. 

Soda-PopinskiThe Sports Hernia: Wow, floor, meet my face.  Hey Dave, what's the worst thing about your life other than the fact that you fucking suck?

***

Godish (Chicago): Do you just go by Jared now? Is Fogel in the past?

SportsNation Jared: (11:40 AM ET ) It is. Sting, Madonna, Prince, Cher. When you say Jared, people know, but if you say Jared Fogle, they don't know.

Soda-PopinskiThe Sports Hernia: Jesus christ, Godish, you know this idiot's last name?  Wait, what do people say when you say Godish?  "Not Godlike, just eh, kind of Godish…" 

***

SportsNation Buzzmaster: (11:43 AM ET ) Thanks again to Jared for spending some with us, come back again soon.  And a special thanks to The Sports Hernia for hijacking this chat and telling all of our participants what embarrassing disgraces they are. 

14 Comments

  1. Von Kaiser

    January 30, 2009 at 10:31 am

    This has to be the end, right?

    Here’s to Phil Mushnick storming Bristol fucking Connecticut with a flamethrower.

  2. TheSportsHernia

    January 30, 2009 at 10:38 am

    Is that before or after he kidnaps Mike Francesa?

  3. tamtam

    January 30, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    great…why cant we see this kind of smartass journalism with ALL interviews?!

  4. zen wizard

    January 30, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    If he’s so famous why does he have to wear an identity tag on a lanyard? Or are you kids just doing that as a fashion statement nowadays? If you are I take it rainbow is the new black, but I am holding onto my black lanyards in case they come back…

  5. SF

    January 30, 2009 at 12:44 pm

    StillFat28: Jared, What’s your entrance music?

  6. Godish

    January 30, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    Godish is actually my last name. I’ve been in ESPN chats for years now and just always used Godish.

  7. Godish

    January 30, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    It’s pronounced Go-Dish, if it matters. It’s Polish. I’m guessing some letters got knocked off.

  8. TheSportsHernia

    January 30, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    Ok. If you’ve participated in so many ESPN chats, where does the JARED one rank?

  9. Godish

    January 30, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    Actually, Jared did a chat for last year’s Super Bowl too. That’s why I wasn’t too surprised he was on again. During The Morning Buzz, he’s had people promoting movies/shows. Frank Calendio was on promoting Frank TV and idiot Paul Blart Mall Cop was on recently. There’s been some weird ones. Flyod Merriweather actually posted his Vegas phone number on a last summer.

  10. How do you spell retard?

    January 30, 2009 at 8:32 pm

    Michael Phelps and Jared from Subway appearing in the same commercial?

    I’d rather go shopping for Ed Hardy gear with Rick Reilly.

  11. Gerrard Sir Hornypants

    January 31, 2009 at 12:18 am

    whoooo are the Ad wizards that came up with this one???

    (that doesn’t even make sense)

  12. ForWhomJayBellTolls

    January 31, 2009 at 9:04 am

    Flyod Merriweather’s phone number? I need it right now!!!!

  13. TheSportsHernia

    January 31, 2009 at 10:43 am

    At some point during that shopping spree, Rick Reilly would like to have his face bedazzled.

  14. TheSportsHernia

    January 31, 2009 at 10:44 am

    I would gladly be Floyd’s official money counter, although he appears to thoroughly enjoy it, much like Tupac did.

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