- Five Thirty Eight Sets Internet Ablaze With Shocking Report
- Johnny Football’s Money Sign Becomes Latest NFL Star to Retire Early
- Learn The Ins & Outs Of Beer Can Chicken From Clyde McFly
- LeBron’s Wild Hairline Fits Larry O’Brien Trophy … and a Chew Toy
- “Danny Farts Ball” Video Has 500K Views
- The Boston Globe Has Officially Stopped Giving A Shit
- Detroit Lions Take Sucking to An All New Level
- Sepp Blatter Resigns, Vince McMahon Rumored as Replacement
- Family Guy Called the Bruce Jenner “Situation” Quite Some Time Ago; Twice
- T.J. Miller Wins Hernia Immunity For 25 Years
Daily News gets scoop on first huge sports story of the year
- Updated: January 7, 2009
Is a chat with a New York Daily News sportswriter (hockey, no less) really live, developing or even a story? With Hernia legend Michael Obernauer of all people? And worthy of a fiery red exclamation point? Great, no earthquakes or tsunamis today, but there’s a hockey chat coming up.
Even the past five presidents took a backseat to what we can only imagine was a spirited, emoticon-laden chatfest for the ages.
Expect to see the following ‘breaking’ news alerts for all the other Daily News sports scribes some time later this week:
LIVE DEVELOPING STORY!
– Frank Isola beginning to write article.
– Bill Gallo about to draw something perverted.
– Bill Madden moments away from sweeping hair to other side of head.
– Mitch Lawrence possibly off the market, ladies.
– John Harper hopefully getting ready to depart the 1980s.
– Filip Bondy just about finished sleeping with your wife.
– Gary Myers rumored to eventually stop smiling when he speaks.
– Mike Lupica debating whether to write about Yankee payroll, Hillary or both.
– The Slammer to order wrestling Pay-Per View for 163rd straight month.
– Bob Raissman’s mustache still considering throwing TV out window.
– Hoops Weiss’ toupee accidentally headed for paper shredder.
– Rich Cimini getting ready to compose wild email to friend.
– Ralph Vacciano is laughing because he knows something that you do not.
– Richard Huff amazingly still not being charged with something.