‘Shirt-Tank 3000’ to replace all shirt-rockets at NBA games; 23 already confirmed dead

(DENVER, CO) — With NBA crowds insatiable desire for free t-shirts at an all-time high, the NBA rolled out the highly controversial Shirt-Tank 3000, which will replace all wussy powered shirt-rockets by the end of the January.  The ST-3000's debut Monday in Denver was a wild success, with over 1,000 t-shirts fired in under two minutes and only 23 fan casualties (15 from blunt traumas to the chest and head, and another 8 to fan murders over contested shirts).

Shirt Tank 3000 Fun Facts:

• Can fire over 500 t-shirts in a minute, at speeds of up to 500 mph
• 7 out of 10 t-shirts delivered are scorched beyond recognition
• Tank cabin provides excellent hiding spot for that one fat dancer on each NBA dance team
• Driven by Captain Louis Albano (in most cities)
• If attendance is under 12,000, ST-3000 will fire feces instead of t-shirts
• Just like a regular tank, it can kill you

5 Comments

1. 

   tamtam

   January 20, 2009 at 5:08 pm

   ‘just like a regular tank, it can kill you’

   HAAAAAA! XD

   Reply
2. 

   How do you spell retard?

   January 21, 2009 at 2:23 am

   Make em say uhhhhh…na na na.
   /shitty ’90s rap’d

   Reply
3. 

   Leather Stools

   January 21, 2009 at 9:36 am

   Haha awesome post. “Just like a real tank it can kill you”. Brilliant!

   Reply
4. 

   Upstate Underdog

   January 21, 2009 at 9:48 am

   haven’t we learned anything from the death of Maude Flanders?

   Reply
5. 

   tamtam

   January 23, 2009 at 1:16 pm

   apparently not…

   Reply