Sports Hernia Blog

Jeff Karstens already feeling those dreaded dog days of summer

Jeff-KarstensPirates camp appears to off and running in Florida, with pitcher Jeff Karstens officially "into it."

Expect the following sequence of exciting events to occur for the Pittsburgh Pirates this upcoming baseball season:

  • Pirates win first series of season.
  • Embarrassing losing streak by early April.
  • Openly drinking in games by May. 
  • Playing upside down by June.
  • Trade best player by July.
  • Allow Karstens to reprise his role as the deformed traitor Ephialtes in a sequel to 300 by August.
  • 6 1/2-year extension for Matt Morris by Labor Day.
  • Respectable play against division leaders by late September which will ultimately mean nothing.
  • Do it all over again next April.

You may now make the same face as Jeff Karstens.


  1. ForWhomJayBellTolls

    February 18, 2009 at 2:53 pm

    Ouch. I can’t even think of a joke for this. They do have two things going for them though: An awesome ballpark, and the way their fans pronounce the word “Buccos”. Then again, these things are probably only on the plus side for me because I actually don’t have to live in the state of Pennsylvania. Go Buck-owes.

  2. tamtam

    February 18, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    IM MELTING!!!!

  3. Ephialt?s

    February 18, 2009 at 6:55 pm

    No no no – the helmet is all wrong. No Salami for Karstens. Though if he hits Cole Hamels…we’ll talk.

  4. ForWhomJayBellTolls

    February 19, 2009 at 6:39 am

    Come to the dark side…

  5. zen wizard

    February 19, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    He really needs a vacation in Paris…to ring the bell at Notre Dame Cathedral.

  6. JoshM23

    February 24, 2009 at 8:23 am

    Very funny. I appreciate the humor, but I’m not sure if this guy knows that Matt Morris is not on the team anymore — he was cut last year in May. But of course, the Bucs are the butt of too many jokes for anyone to notice how they are improving their team.

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