As March Madness approaches, nation braces for Duke and John Scheyer’s face

Selection Sunday is less than a week away, which of course means everyone in your office, including that vegan who doesn't even own a TV, will be filling out multiple brackets and scouring the web for unique March Madness betting options.

But are we really ready for all of this, specifically if Duke makes a decent run and we're exposed to an unhealthy dosage of John Scheyer's anguished facial expressions?  He looks like a young Fire Marshall Bill before that first awful fire. 

Between him and Coach K's Wise Chips Owl Scowl, how can any of us be expected watch their games without having the sudden urge to take a shit?  And what's the over/under on that? 

Speaking of, let's take a look at the early tournament betting lines for Duke thus far:

– Being seeded in the East again (even though they're not deserving of it): 2 to 1

– Celebrating above moment in a khakis-padded mosh pit: 3 to 1

– Atrocious flopping during opening tip-off: 4 to 1

– Over/Under on Coach K referring to his players as "these kids": 194

– Over/Under on Trust Fund Sticks to be waved feverishly: 11,432

– Likelihood of being cheered on by people named Whitlock Morganfrost and Chaz Tyler Farrish: 2 to 1

12 Comments