Sports Hernia Blog

John Kruk returns to Baseball Tonight as member of Four Horsemen


Baseball Tonight analyst John Kruk has announced he will now be known as Mongo McSteiner.  His finishing move will of course be the crowd pleasing, inescapable cleavage sleeper hold. 

When he's not staring through your soul, he'll be in Ric Flair's limo slapping your girlfriend's ass or doing the King Kong Bundy splash on entire biker gangs.  Oh, and he's quite sure he'll be seeing you at the corner of Jabroni Drive and Know Your Role Boulevard.

Not pictured:  Steel briefcase presumably filled with large amounts of cash, but likely to be slammed over Steve Phillips' head when Ravech isn't looking.

Soon to be pictured:  The World Heavyweight Championship belt.


Kruk's checkered Hernia history in chronological order:

Kruk kicks off 2007 season telling stylist to "give me the Melrose…"
Update: Kruk's condition worsening
Update: Jailbreak inside John Kruk's mullet sprouts sudden perm
Kruk's hair stuck in a monsterous slump
Kruk kicks off 2008 season with unkempt Ewok look
Kruk's flaccid hair stuck in typical July slump
Kruk?s hair rises to the occasion under October spotlight


  1. How do you spell retard?

    March 1, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    How did I know this would be up here?

    I think Kruk was competing with Gammons for ‘worst older guy sunglasses’. Just wait ’til John Clayton breaks these out.

  2. zen wizard

    March 2, 2009 at 12:19 pm

    As the scale starts regularly tipping 300-lbs., and the hair begins to gray, I have noticed that a goatee starts to lose its “Maynard G. Krebs/retro irony”; and you metamorphasize into just another old guy who is too lazy to shave.

  3. Upstate underdog

    March 2, 2009 at 12:43 pm

    John Kruk is awesome as Kenny Powers on “East Bound and Down”

  4. zen wizard

    March 2, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    If the sunglasses are part of the Witness Protection Program “disguise,” he should maybe wash his hair. Then no one would suspect it is him…

  5. Da Gusha

    March 6, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    I fully expect him to do a run-in at the next Phillies-Mets game and hit Santana with a steel chair while Utley distracts the ump. I will be very disappointed if this does not occur.

  6. thatcrankybastard-dot-com

    March 9, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    Are we certain he isn’t the stand in for that fat guy on Reaper?

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