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Getting to know your British Open players
- Updated: July 16, 2009
– Fears clowns and strange dolls despite being related to them.
– Can't fathom a world in which Guinness does not exist.
– Needs to finish his round before the lacrosse game starts.
– Knows McLovin.
– Signed $35 million deal with "LA Looks" hair gel.
– Rarely plays with pants on when not on tour.
– Would style and gel his pubes if it meant more poon.
– Has swapped cell phone dong pics with Sean Salisbury.
– Nominated for Oscar for role as Smigel in Lord of the Rings.
– Does a mean impression of the Lucky Charms leprechaun without even knowing it.
– Ears were used by John Totoro for role of Billy Martin in The Bronx is Burning.
– Is not even on the PGA Tour.
– Was a stand-in in Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd.
– Recently said that "after this British Open thing," he's partying hard with Ben Seaver.
– Cured Luco-plakia.
– Spastic laugh is actually worse than his picture indicates.
– Plays quarterback for the Chicago Bears.
– Famous for saying "screw it, let's get some whores" immediately after first bogey.
– Was actually created on Conan O'Brien's "What if they mated" segment that featured Pete Carroll and Bill Parcells.
– Known for enormous, embarrassing Oakley Blades. Think those are bad? You should see the ones he wears on his ass cheeks.
– Becomes the life of the party when he takes off his glasses to reveal the giant tan lines on his face.
– Was much more interesting when he was fat and depressed.
– More dedicated to becoming Mr. Peepers than becoming a dominant golfer.
– Face turns into terrifying cuckoo clock to wake himself up in the morning.
– Says, "I am 36 and still rocking frosted highlights, who wants some?"
– Has eye-fucked you 37 times already.
– Clearly in the beginning stages of the Donald combover.
– Often huffs, "Whatever. My name is Hunter."
– Once got lost for 4 days in an Abercrombie & Fitch.
– Credits his great hair to a penis comb.
Miguel Angel Jimenez
– Has not taken a cigar out of his mouth in 13 days.
– Claims his ponytail is infinitely better than Val Kilmer's in Heat.
– Owns one of Ric Flair's vintage robes.
– Makes out with your girlfriend between holes.