Sports Hernia Blog

ESPN unveils latest unbearable assbag

Adam schefter unbearable douchebag

ESPN's NFL Countdown has unveiled their latest insufferable douchebag, Adam Schefter, to the 2009 crew, to the delight of morons everywhere.  Schefter, a slick talking, chrome suit wearing, condescending crapbag, will beef up a crew that was clearly running thin on analysts and will surely take time away from the few analysts that dont suck major donkey balls.

ESPN was kind enough to give us a brief resume on Shefter, here is the expanded version:

  • Stole Jim Rome's hair right off head in 2007
  • Is Lou Ferrigno without the muscles, but with green balls
  • Was lodged in Brett Favre's butt cheeks for 2 weeks while trying to get a story
  • Always wears a baseball cap that corresponds to what current German automobile he's driving
  • Willing to wear Sterling Sharpe's old suits
  • Is the illegitimate son of Ken Rosenthal and an unknown squirrel
  • Got into business 2 years ago by setting up shoe-shine stoop in Broncos shower room