Sports Hernia Blog

Future owner of Nets reveals disturbing dating profile

Russian-Nets-Owner

This is Mikhail Prokhorov. 

Mikhail is about to buy the New Jersey Nets.  He would like for you to get to know him better. 

However, first, he'd like you to remove your pants. 

***

Name: Mikhail "Pork-a-hole in your" Prokhorov

Nickname: Martini Porn

Occupation: Future Owner/Groper/Fondler/Nipple tweaker, New Jersey Nets

Height: 6'4" of pale, transfixing hell

Weight: 275lbs. (associated sex gear included)

Hair: Poison-dipped porcupine tips

Ethnicity: Evil Jude Law

Religious Views: Whatever she's drinking

Relationship Status: Currently boning Western Hemisphere, but looking to grow

Interested in: Scandals

But really can't wait to: Take your pants off

Favorite movie: American Psycho II

Favorite cologne: Forbidden Pants, by Fabio

Secret Screename: MikhailSexCapade4

Wish My Name Was: Alexandro De Coogamelloncamp

If I could be anywhere right now: Inside a voyeur chat room

Last great thing I read: The summary intro to a nude Parcheesi video

Most humbling moment: Tight-roll pants era of late 80s

Celebrity I resemble most: Paul Bearer's svelte brother

If I could be anywhere right now instead of inside of a voyeur chat room: In an epic sword fight with Visanthe Shiancoe

7 Comments

  1. Abbee Lee

    September 24, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    Good for him?even though I don?t watch much sports, it?s overrated and these talented sportsman are most definitely over paid.

  2. Fook Mii

    September 24, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    Where is the line to hit that?

  3. tamtam

    September 25, 2009 at 2:03 am

    he’s got lebron by the balls now!

  4. CMG

    September 27, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    You know Roman Abramovich was described by soccer novice Bill Simmons as a James Dolan cum Russian oligarch. I think that now belongs to this guy.

  5. Buy Tramadol - Jasmine

    September 28, 2009 at 4:26 am

    LOL! Who nice piece of work here! Two thumbs up!

  6. birds

    September 29, 2009 at 11:30 am

    I wonder why he chose MikhailSexCapade4. Were 1, 2, and 3 already taken?

  7. philadelphia dating

    October 21, 2010 at 7:46 am

    solid post , really good view on the subject and very well written, this certainly has put a spin on my day, many thanks from the USA and observe up the good work

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