Sports Hernia Blog

Steve Phillips: Through The Years

Steve_philips_laughs_at_him 1993 Doctors catch Steve Phillips porking shlubby nurse during delivery of first child.

1994 – Phillips delivers sandwich to new secretary with wang placed firmly between two slices of bread.

1995 – On a road game against the Reds, Phillips disappears for two hours only to be found in the visiting clubhouse bathroom with a bucket of Icy Hot, Marge Schott, and her St. Bernard, Schottzie.

1996 – Phillips replaces all pictures of hot dogs on concession menus with various glamor shots of his woody.

1997 – Phillips trades Lance Johnson for a really good blow job.

2000 Phillips and a butt-naked Morgana the Kissing Bandit emerge from
Shea home run apple during the 7th inning stretch of a day game.

2001 After being asked to shovel the driveway, Phillips is instead spotted vigorously humping the shed.

2002 – Phillips gets the boot from Mets Christmas party after attaching a mistletoe to the back of his ass-less pants.

2003 Phillips finally gets fired from Mets after security cameras catch him humping Fred Wilpon's shitzu, Muffy.

2004 – Phillips becomes majority share owner of Horny Goat Weed, LLC.

2005 – On day one at ESPN, Phillips circles cubicle approximately 136 times in the nude, heroically creating his own Naked Mile.

2006 – Intern complains after Phillips stirs her coffee with his junk.  He apologizes by bringing her a mug of hot water with tea bags in it, which were also his balls.

2007 – Phillips begins to attend production meetings with pants on.  However, he does remain topless.

2008 – Phillips accidentally walks out of dressing room naked with two kissing fish dangling from his testicles.

2008 – Sensing colleagues may be onto him, Phillips decides to wear nipple clamps under his shirt.

2009 – Producers escort Phillips from Sunday Night Baseball booth after
incessantly demanding John Miller put on King Kong Bundy's tights.