The Winter Games NBC Can Make Money On

With NBC announcing that it would lose money on the Vancouver 2010 Winter Olympics, The Sports Hernia decided to retool several events to ensure that the American public would tune in.

***

?Two And A Half Men? Bobsled
This is somehow the No. 1 comedy on TV.  So let?s send the entire cast down a bobsled track full of giant razor blades.

?The Situation? Ski Jump
Send that Jersey Shore douchebag flying down a ski ramp and watch him Eddie-the-Eagle off it to create a greaseball yard sale all over Cypress Mountain.

Really Short Track Speed Skating
Eight speedskaters race around a Toyota Tercel.  Also new is the Really Short Track Speed Skating Team competition, where a baton is handed off after each lap around the Tercel.

The Bi-Curious-Athalon
Tila Tequila ?cross-country skis? with chicks and then gets DNA bullets fired at her by a bunch of dudes.

Curdling
Instead of curling on an ice rink, this event is played on a rink of curdled milk.  Duh.

Double-Ds Figure Skating
You get it.

Skeleton
Actual skeletons race down bobsled tracks.  Early favorites: Dom DeLuise and Skeletor.

Bode Miller Sloshed Slalom
Fuck it – everyone gets hammered and tries to beat a clearly drunker Bode Miller.

4 Comments

1. 

   Orion Q. Pickletickle

   January 15, 2010 at 4:25 pm

   “Double-Ds Figure Skating”

   Man, I’d turn off football to watch that (which you’d know if you ever followed my link). We’ve got lingerie football leagues, how come busty figure skating and busty gymnastics leagues aren’t popping up?

   Reply
2. 

   Orion Q. Pickletickle

   January 15, 2010 at 5:01 pm

   Hockey?

   HAHAHAHAHAHA. Just kidding. We all know that’s no way to attract American viewers.

   Reply
3. 

   ForWhomJayBellTolls

   January 15, 2010 at 8:39 pm

   If Plaxico Burress can get out of prison in time I think DeLuise could be in real trouble

   Reply
4. 

   TheSportsHernia

   January 15, 2010 at 9:15 pm

   Joe Francis will make this happen.

   Reply