Sports Hernia Blog

Announcing 1st Ever Hernia Contest Giveaway, Sponsored by Dick Towel

Dicktowel_120X240c Since many of you are getting through the day with the aid of a Jets drinking helmet, much like we are, we'll make this rather straightforward: 

Fill in the blank below and the best response in the comments by end of day today wins a FREE Dick Towel, compliments of
the guys over at

Hernia Hero Mike Francesa drinks gallons of Diet Coke because __________.

Doesn't need to be a one word answer, so feel free to throw on your sacred Gary and Wyatt thinking caps.

UPDATE: Enduro, who regularly brings the pain in his own right, has won with this thoughtful gem:

"… because fucking the pain away just wouldn't be good for ratings."

Enduro, just shoot us an email with your info and we'll get you your new beach towel.


  1. Dankicksass

    February 26, 2010 at 7:21 am

    he’s ridden with the diabeetus

  2. Bob's Blitz

    February 26, 2010 at 8:26 am

    Not actually Diet Coke. Actually odd mixture of maple syrup and leftover liquid from thrice weekly colonics that he believes have magical weight loss properties to help with the diabeetus that Dankicksass pointed out.

    Interesting side note – switched from actual Diet Pepsi in 2001 when he learned that Pepsi was preferred by 2 of 3 Jews. Instituted above concoction and so called Loyalty Oaths soon after.

  3. Upstate Underdog

    February 26, 2010 at 8:28 am

    he ran out of gravy and bacon grease to drink.

  4. MadmanMundt

    February 26, 2010 at 9:53 am

    he never gives up hope that one day a shirtless construction worker will show up outside his office if he continues to do so.

  5. MadmanMundt

    February 26, 2010 at 10:01 am

    it’s the only thing he’s found that mixes well with creme de menthe.

  6. Max Power

    February 26, 2010 at 10:09 am

    even though his urine is sterile, he doesn’t like the taste

  7. Enduro

    February 26, 2010 at 10:37 am

    because there’s never any wrong way to wash down an entire hummus-filled calzone during a ten-second station ID break.

  8. Enduro

    February 26, 2010 at 10:41 am

    because fucking the pain away just wouldn’t be good for ratings.

  9. acp

    February 26, 2010 at 10:53 am

    the extreme carobonation allows for massive gasious opportunities, and when mixed with tuna and mustard, it creates a belch so discustingly glorious, that it makes booger from revenge of the nerds blush

  10. Orion Q. Pickletickle

    February 26, 2010 at 11:43 am

    Hernia Hero Mike Francessa drinks gallons of Diet Coke because Tab is for pussies.

  11. Teddy Dziuba

    February 26, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    he is fat

  12. Teddy Dziuba

    February 26, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    it helps wash the taste of (Insert Name of Yankee here)’s semen out of his mouth

  13. JJ

    February 26, 2010 at 12:16 pm


  14. Warren

    February 26, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    he once saw mickey mantle pissing in a diet coke can and wanted to relive the experience he had drinking it

  15. kiiimiko

    February 26, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    I had that song in my head ALL day yesterday. Now it’s back again. FUCK YOU!

  16. kiiimiko

    February 26, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    I love how there are so many comments on this post compared to the usual few on regular posts. All for a towel???

  17. kiiimiko

    February 26, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    ps- There’s only one S in Francesa, not two.

    I think this means I deserve a prize.

  18. T

    February 26, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    because he needs people to wait a minute

  19. rolltide

    February 26, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    diet coke kills his mt. st. helens sized kidney stones.

  20. steelcity

    February 26, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    it washes the taste of his fleshlight out of his mouth

  21. uvawahoos

    February 26, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    because of the guilt he feels from the last time he drank regular coke…when he strayed from his Jewish kosher food tendencies and brutally slaughtered an innumerable amount of livestock to send a virtual bitch slap to Abraham, the father of Judaism.

  22. CrackerJack

    February 26, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    it’s Chris Russo’s lubricant of choice and allows him to reminisce of cock swordfights of old.

  23. Scott Jonas

    February 26, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    he’s hoping he’ll eventually be able to piss the Stupid Cells out of his body.

  24. Sally Field's Brittle Bones

    February 26, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    …its zero calories allows Franny to eat more hotdogs and dick

    “later dudes. S you in A’s, don’t wear a C or you’ll J all over your B’s”

  25. Paolo X

    February 26, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    Diet Coke? Why I drink Diet Coke? Because it helps me to poop and remembah bedda too.

  26. Natalie Dylan

    February 26, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    Sal Licata likes a carbonated golden shower that is calorie free. Just in case.

  27. TexansFan

    February 27, 2010 at 2:10 am

    i was getting worried there was a hernia post without your input. you had me worried.

  28. Izzo

    February 27, 2010 at 3:21 am

    Mad Dog drinks coke classic and following him is unacceptable.

  29. Enduro

    February 27, 2010 at 4:27 am

    LMAO! I see somebody else notices the ads on the side of youporn’s site. LOL!

  30. Paolo X

    February 27, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    And the propah pronunciation of course, in the overrated extreme douchebag New York faux tough accent, is something like “Francessihr” — if she gets a prize for that spelling correction I should too then. 😀

  31. kiiimiko

    February 27, 2010 at 1:33 pm


  32. kiiimiko

    February 27, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    What does pronunciation have to do with anything?

  33. Paolo X

    February 27, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    Dat’s pronunceration in New Yawk lady! :b

  34. kiiimiko

    February 27, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    Seeing as how I’m from New York, your “:b” does nothing for me.

  35. Zach McDonald

    February 27, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    …that’s what stupid people do when their doctors tell them they need to change their diets or die of heart disease.

  36. Paolo X

    February 27, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    Ah fohgedaboudit!

  37. Paolo X

    February 27, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    Say what? You have four butt-chins? 😕

  38. steelcity

    March 1, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    ya butt-hole on a stick is the greatest. its my go-to yankee swap gift

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