Sports Hernia Blog

Harrowing report surfaces from NBA All-Star game

Cowboy Stadium NBA ridiculous

The following tidbits were fed to us from a Dallas beat reporter who, just moments ago, finally emerged from the far regions of Cowboys Stadium after covering the gluttonous 2010 NBA All-Star game.

– Of the record 108,713 who attended, 114 were actually able to locate the court inside the stadium.

– Spectators behind the West's bench saw baskets made on the north end of the arena a full two minutes before those sitting behind the East.

– TNT's Craig Sager, who was sent into the stands some time during the second quarter to get fans? take on the game, went missing for 2 days. If not for his special S.O.S. suit, rescuers at Section 794 Base Camp would not have seen him

– It took 17-year-old Forth Worth resident Mark Tamblor 25 minutes to get to his seat in the arena. Once he finally made it, he sat down and was rewarded with a view of one of Cowboys Stadium's lovely pillars.

– In a terrible mix-up, a father and son separately entered the wrong gates of the arena. Those two will never see each other again.

– The entire 2700 section ran out of complimentary Sherpas, stranding hundreds of gangrenous rubes in the walkways.

– In a typical empirical move, some fuckin Brit planted a Union Jack at the top of the last row.  Jerry Jones promptly had him murdered.

– Midway through the third quarter, the Hubble Telescope ripped through the roof.

– Section 2905 consisted entirely of dead, frozen people, many of which still had their hands in their popcorn, nachos and barf bags.

One Comment

  1. Bob Mantz

    February 16, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    By NFL law you must thank Jerry Jones whenever referring to Cowboys stadium!!! Liberal use of exclamation points are also requested!!!

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