Sports Hernia Blog

Chan Ho Park’s “diarrhea improv” scoring huge points with Yankee fans

Not since Hideki Irabu magically morphed into a "giant pussy toad" while forgetting to cover first base has a Yankee pitcher been so damn funny.


  1. Phil

    April 12, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    Thanks for posting. This was priceless.

  2. Frious

    April 12, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    I am not sure what is funnier. His reaction to people laughing or the actual issue

  3. Paolo X

    April 12, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    Beautiful thanks great catch! Hey that YES network is better than I thought it was when I catch it up in NE PA. That show “Center Stage” I think it’s called is really good despite the annoying accent of the host.

    And yeah Frious it was funny too that he did not realise it was funny along with the part about the “fru.”

    Hernia good to see at last one person in New York overcome the epidemic of constipation up there in that obsessively frenetic bunch and just deal properly with being literally full of shit as usual. More posts like this please!

    Cheers to more such New Yorkers and fuck all the rest of them who act like they are always on the set of Seinfeld or something. Tell them Paolo said “FUCK YOU” at your next breakfast, lunch, dinner, drinks, etc with those fucks too. :)

  4. bigjf

    April 13, 2010 at 10:24 am

    I laughed to tears seeing Mariano in the background trying not to laugh. I wasn’t a Park fan before, but I am now!

  5. Orion Q. Pickletickle

    April 13, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    “I had a lot of diarrhea” is my new excuse for everything. Being late for work, forgetting something at the store, running over a kid… EVERYTHING.

  6. Paolo X

    April 13, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    Great idea also I think if you are single and trying to break up with someone on easy grounds too I think. Also perhaps if you are pulled over for speeding?

  7. bigjf

    April 13, 2010 at 10:56 pm

    I actually once got out of a speeding ticket by using that excuse. I didn’t say the word “diarrhea” but a cop once taught me that this little trick has a decent success rate. Pretty good since I can’t cry on cue.

  8. Enduro

    April 14, 2010 at 3:53 am

    You know, there were times when I really was speeding cause of the runs and I wondered if I got pulled over and just ran out of the car into the bushes to squat, if there was a chance that I’d get shot trying to dump.

    Seriously. I’ve actually had this concern.

  9. Orion Q. Pickletickle

    April 14, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    Yeah, you know what another good trick is? Tits. Unfortunately, I have none. Current score:
    Me (male) = pulled over 6 times, received 3 tickets the past 14 years.
    Wife (DD cup) = pulled over 5 times, received 0 tickets, EVER.

    Coincidence? Yeah, sure.

  10. tamtam

    April 14, 2010 at 2:37 pm


    I oughta try that

  11. Paolo X

    April 14, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    Enduro, Bigjf, Orion absolutely hilarious!

    No Enduro you’d just be told to get on the ground and also be charged with fleeing and possibly also resisting arrest if you don’t fall over in classic fashion even whilst taking such a serious dump. And of course if you have a case of a disappointing fart instead of a visible log, well then what will you tell the officer? No matter what you’d have to tell it all to the judge and get yourself a new pair of pants too for sake of your public humiliation. Don’t run.

    Wow Orion that’s some wife what can we say congratulations to you and to her?

    I’ve only gotten two tickets in my life, and in both cases were from fuckin’ motorcycle cops including even one from Homeland Insecurity through its Federal Protective Service in 2003 when living in Northern VA in fascist Metro DC. Yeah fighting terrorism by stopping folks on the way to work in the morning to pay also taxes their salaries uh huh right …that was Cheney’s war of course booyah! …that started a series of events to leave VA in that dump of an area and not even consider most Virginians (living there >4 years) fellow countrymen any more along with those in certain other douchebag states.

    What has worked otherwise however is the following if I guess you don’t have seriously hot tits. Courtesy to a guy usually just doing his job goes a really, really long way if you don’t have a record:
    1) If at night, turn on the inside light and turn off the radio and everyone off the phone.
    2) Open the window no matter what the weather.
    3) Everyone puts their hands on the dash or also the headrests, palms up.
    4) As the driver, get everything you need to reach out and put it on the dash including your wallet and documents. Have those in order at all times for easy reach.
    5) Answer every question as if you were an FBI agent in a monotone voice, and answer ONLY the question. Look the officer in the face when you speak. The first question will be “do you know why I stopped you sir/m’am?” and unless glaringly obvious because you know you did something wrong like an illegal turn, the answer is always “No officer. Why?”

  12. bigjf

    April 15, 2010 at 11:49 am

    You could always go with the Tommy Boy “BEES!!! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!!!” routine…

  13. bigjf

    April 15, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    I also got out of a couple of tickets by running before I could get pulled over. Not that I recommend doing so…

    One time a motorcycle cop came out of his position during a busy traffic time of day, and I knew he was coming for me. I sped off to the next exit, turned down a few backstreets, hid out in a busy parking lot for like 10 minutes, then continued along the way, where I sped by the same damn cop once again, but he didn’t see me.

    The second time I was in a carpool-only lane and the cop was actually standing outside his car like a true profiling douche bag, looking only for drivers in that lane. I had a passenger, so he was going to pull me over for speeding. I zoomed right by his dumb ass, acting like I didn’t even see him. I looked in my rearview, and he was PISSED! I floored the gas as he headed for his car, and I did the same thing with getting off the next exit, taking the backstreets and hiding out for a bit. This time I took an alternate route rather than getting back on the same highway. That same jerkoff is at that same spot all the time. I don’t ever take the carpool lane anymore!

    As for speaking like an FBI agent, monotone and with utmost respect, a good buddy of mine did the exact opposite. He spoke down to the cop (called him “buddy” and stuff like that), coming up with all these funny insults, talking sarcastic, and he amazingly got out of the ticket. I still can’t believe it. He was doing over 100 mph, I shit you not!

  14. bigjf

    April 15, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    What really makes the “diarrhea” routine work is the way you sell it. Like if you’re heading home and there are plenty of public bathrooms that you’re passing, you should act germophobic, and be sure to fidget and cringe like you could drop in your pants any minute. If you’re still far from home or heading the other way, act like you really can’t hold it anymore. Tell the cop that he can follow you and write you the ticket afterwards, but that you’re about to mess your pants! (All this advice is coming from a cop, by the way!) The cop should either say forget it and let you go or at worst he does follow you to the nearest establishment, where you go inside, wait a few mins, and get a damn ticket anyway. But it’s worth the shot. If he doesn’t let you go at all, you still have a chance if you can actually shit your pants and then complain about it, leaning over to let the cop have a good look at the dump lump you’re now sitting on! I know if it were me, I would take pity and let you go and clean that up!

  15. diarrhea

    August 4, 2010 at 4:09 am

    I’m also yanky faN! cool

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