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- Bucs Turn To 80’s Video Game Icon To Fix Jameis
- Clyde McFly argues over an eggplant, a peach and a smiley face
- Traded 4 Times in 6 Days, Luke Ridnour Asks Himself … ‘Who am I?’
- Five Thirty Eight Sets Internet Ablaze With Shocking Report
- Johnny Football’s Money Sign Becomes Latest NFL Star to Retire Early
- Learn The Ins & Outs Of Beer Can Chicken From Clyde McFly
- LeBron’s Wild Hairline Fits Larry O’Brien Trophy … and a Chew Toy
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- The Boston Globe Has Officially Stopped Giving A Shit
Source: No One Knows Shit About Shit
- Updated: June 29, 2010
A source close to several inside sources has indeed confirmed that not one source knows a god damn thing about the NBA free-agency bonanza set to begin in less than 48 hours. The source, who did not want to be identified fearing tampering violations, also confirmed that many sources didn't know "jack shit" or "fuck all" and most "had no fucking clue" about what the shit is going to happen in the coming weeks.
The whirlwind of unsubstantiated rumors began late Monday night, when Chris Broussard and 13 other ESPN sources reported that the Bulls had taken the edge in the LeBron James sweepstakes after learning Luol Deng once shared quesadillas with Bron-Bron confidant and frequent ass masseuse, William Wesley (aka – World Wide Wes). Broussard?s blistering report contradicted Stephen A. Smith's previous mouth-blast that Bosh, Wade and LeBron would form a Basketball Voltron in Miami.
More World Wide Wes news surfaced minutes later through the New York Daily News, which ran an item that the Knicks also had a player on their roster who once had a full-fledged pasta dinner with Wesley. That story was published moments after Ric Bucher?s confusing blurb stating he saw LeBron, Wesley and Big Pussy getting identical Swamp Dragon tattoos on their backs while scarfing down deep-dish pizza and not thin-sliced pizza. Both reports were later trumped when the New York Post learned that a Miami Heat employee once borrowed a mechanical pencil from Wesley in junior high school.
Predictably, rumors were further muddied when another report cited those close to Team LeBron stating that the dancing dipshit has every intention to talk to a real estate agent in New York regarding a special listing in the Bron-Bron price range that was once the location of a Lil Wayne threesome with Drake groupies who had reportedly caught the clap from a member of Chris Bosh's entourage.
It's really that simple.
Additionally and probably most importantly, World Wide Wes is actually WWF Legend, Slick.