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- Sepp Blatter Resigns, Vince McMahon Rumored as Replacement
- Family Guy Called the Bruce Jenner “Situation” Quite Some Time Ago; Twice
- T.J. Miller Wins Hernia Immunity For 25 Years
The 2010 F.U. In Review
- Updated: January 3, 2011
Every so often, a headless horsemen storms through Hernia Headquarters and drops off a rolled up piece of paper, made from bone and drenched in blood. Nine times out of ten, it is the F.U. Corner (and the other time it's a menu for Wok 'n Roll). Without further ado, the 2010 F.U. Year in Review:
The 2010 year in sports has been thrilling and unpredictable thanks to Duke and Alabama winning national titles, Spain winning the World Cup and some dumb fucking horse winning a bunch of races. It was totally unpredictable. Fuck that: For Duke, no one wants to see those pussies win another title, and the ending to that game SUCKED. And Spain, they scored like eight goals in the whole tournament. What a fucking boring team to watch. With that said, here is a short list of special fucking assholes that were particularly annoying in 2010.
1. Mike Vick and the NFL Media, FUCK YOU! Redemption is the theme with Mike Vick this year and the NFL media are tripping over each others? boners in their reporting on this. It is fucking nauseating. Is he having a good season? Yes. Does it warrant coverage? Yes. However, he is an ex-con, like a legitimate criminal. He didn?t fuck up and carry a gun into a club and shoot himself, nor did he get a DUI. He was the leader of an organized crime ring of dog fighting. He was the fucking John Gotti of dog fighting – this is premeditated shit – and we are all happy that he is reformed? Get fucked, all of you. Next up: The Unabomber will be playing safety for the Eagles and Terry Bradshaw will gush over his ability to cover the field.
2. LeBron and the Decision, FUCK YOU! Do I really need to say much about this no talent hack? Up until a few weeks ago the Heat were struggling, but after he put the stomp down on the Cavs he delivered this gem: "I just want to continue the greatness of myself here in Miami." What the FUCK is he talking about?! Every player in the league should have crushed him for this quote. If I were a coach of an NBA team, I would start my 12th player on the bench and his job would be to give LeFraud a Roundhouse Kick to the Nuts in the opening minute of the game, get ejected and have the coach pay the fine for him. He deserves it. Imagine him getting kicked in the nuts 29 times during the season? That is worthy of an hour long special. Now I will continue with the greatness of this column.
3. The NCAA, FUCK YOU for secretly suspending Cash Newton for one day then reinstating him so he can play in the SEC Championship game. Fuck YOU, there is no integrity in that. Now you have your dream BCS matchup ? well-done. Fast-forward three years when his Heisman is taken away and Auburn?s SEC title is stripped. Again, well-done, you spineless fucks. Kudos on another stellar year. Also, you conclude an investigation of five Ohio State players who traded autographs for tattoos and what is your judgment? Suspend them five games in the 2011 season. WHAT THE FUCK? Suspend them from their bowl game, their biggest game of the year. Instead, you suspend them for the first five games of the 2011 season when they have three cupcakes scheduled. That is a great lesson to teach kids. ?Break our rules and we will punish you by making sure you can still play in important games.? Well played NCAA? fucking jokes.
4. Maradona, FUCK YOU, you fat bastard! Although, it was a pleasure watching you get fucked in 2010. Watching Argentina get completely dismantled by the Germans was one of the best sporting events of the year. That fat, coked-out dick, standing on the sidelines with the look of utter disbelief was fucking awesome. Your dumb ass didn?t want Messi to overshadow the legend of Maradona? Well, mission failed, jacknut. You played a game that hindered Messi?s play and the result – you get embarrassed on the field and fired shortly after. What sweet justice. Also, did anyone notice he wore a watch on each wrist? I assume one told the time on planet Earth and the other was a countdown clock until the day he got fired. What a shit bag.
5. Cliff Lee, FUCK YOU! I just don?t like you, I hope you get fucking rocked in the pussy NL East. Enjoy the fucking low life boo-birds in Philly the second you give up a three-run homer in that little league park. Suck a dick, you asshole.
6. Brett Farve and ESPN, I don?t know who I want to FUCK OFF more? Favre for going into retirement mode AGAIN, or for ESPN by devoting round the clock coverage to his impending ?retirement.? Well, FUCK YOU both! Each of you is equally responsible for this debacle. Can we just stop sucking this guy's dick that he loves to take pictures of? Actually, I was fully expecting to see Chris Berman or Stuart Scott sucking Favre?s dick in one of those photos. Although, I do love that his streak was snapped and seeing him laying on the field was just amazing. ESPN says Favre shouldn?t go out like that. Oh get fucked, he is an old fuck with no arm. Throw in the towel and continue with your fucking amateur porn career.