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Pittsburgh Pirates pronounced dead at 130
- Updated: April 27, 2011
Due to a severe lack of human communication and a general decaying interest in throwing and hitting baseballs, the Pittsburgh Pirates passed away earlier this morning at the lofty age of 130. According to several members of the visiting San Francisco Giants who first reported the death, the Pirates were found on the clubhouse floor next to a still-rocking rocking chair and two Andy Van Slyke baseball cards. Two seprate coroner's reports have both claimed that the Pirates may have been dead for over five years.
Funeral services will reportedly not be scheduled until someone gives a shit.