Jacked grandpa from Sky Mall magazines become surprise NFL free agent signing

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers shocked the NFL today by signing Dr. Jeff Life to a 2 year deal pending that his stress test comes back negative as expected. The creepy doctor Immediately earned the Buck's locker room's respect by walking up and farting in Ronde Barbers general direction while he was reading The Secret on his Kindle. Later players gathered around as Dr. Life bragged about banging both Linda and Brooke Hogan in his '68  Mustang… nearly 20 years apart.

The Hernia Mole uncovered some little known facts about Dr. Life (we really didn't make up his name):

1. He once got in a shoving match with Rick the 'Rippin' and the Tearin' guy over Susan Lucci

2. Claims the key to his strength come from never once looking a woman in the eye

3. Ordered the P90X dvd's just so he could take a dump on them

4. Might be a real person

5. Is the only player in the NFL required to wear a helmet – for the safety of others

6. Challenges every person that wears a "old guys rule" t-shirt to an arm wrestling match

7. Beat the shit out of every cast member in "Old Dogs"

8. Lactates Vanilla Flavored Ensure from his left nipple