Sports Hernia Blog

The Bright Side of an NBA Lockout

NBA Work Stopage

While mourning the clusterfuck that is the NBA, the Hernia staff shared a bottle of Everclear, ate 6 1/2 bags of Funyuns and came up with the following positive things about the lockout:

– Less shitty commercials from T-Mobile, KFC, McDonalds, etc.

– Mike Breen can go back to being a Kohl's model

– Fans will not need to have sunglasses on hand to block the UV's from Craig Sager's suits

– No more pre-game shots of players dressed in annoyingly intentional preppy/nerdy outfits

– All the nasty skeezers from Basketball Wives will be forced to appear as nasty skeezers on Flavor of Love VII

– Shirt-rocket related deaths and blunt force injuries are estimated to decrease by 95%

– No need to wear ear plugs at home in fear of Stephen A. Smith segments 

– Less grown men wearing tank tops

– Absence of Magic Johnson's blistering commentary should see a 10% decrease in scrotum mutilation

– Nowhere for Adam Sandler to plug his shitty movies

– We can spend the $150 set aside for the NBA League Pass on a fairly decent hooker 

– World Wide Wes can go back to rigging the GOP Primaries and selecting Justin Bieber's next hairstyle

– Kris Humphries will thank god he is getting a divorce and continue banging road beef 

– Chris Kaman can battle in Helm's Deep for all the Tostitos once again!

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