Sports Hernia Blog

Derek Jeter has been doling out “thanks for the bone” gift baskets since at least 2003

Derek Jeter drunkDerek Jeter has experienced the kind of baseball career that has inspired a plethora of gush-related words, but one expression we hear quite often in reference to the Yankee captain is "model of consistency," along with the proportionate amount of beat reporter drool.  His unmistakeable scent of sex has also lent itself to frequent references to "poon" and "road beef."  He's the shortstop for the freakin' New York Yankees with five World Series rings, so shit like this is hardly surprising.  It's standard procedure. 

But a few days ago we learned the routine-obsessed Jeter also spreads his systematic wings to the bedroom where — post Zamboni, of course — he showers countless conquests with a generic Derek Jeter thanks-for-the-bone gift basket complete with a signed ball as the apparent featured item.  It served as a wonderful little snapshot of an otherwise carefully guarded, calculated persona.

Knowing what's already been reported, we've received confirmation today that the New York Post was in no way full of shit.  The legend of the Jeter gift basket is very much for real.  In fact, it's his calling card, kind of like how many of you sky-write "thanks for the plow" after leaving a chick's apartment at 3am. 

Anyway, after speaking with an old friend today, who's located in New Jersey, we have learned that a chick within her circle has received identical "parting gift baskets" from Jeter on two separate occasions taking place eight years apart, both of which occurred while The Captain was rehabbing with the Trenton Thunder (2003 and last season).  Different year, same approach, same results.  That's the succinct summary of Derek Jeter's bat, both on and off the field.

The kicker though, if you're familiar with the scenic area of Trenton, New Jersey, is that Jeter picked this chick up both times at KatManDu, which is a bar where dudes go to fight and overly tanned guidettes choose to look like Wicket.  Think Star Wars bar, but infinitely more rowdy.

The lesson here?  Well, there really is no lesson here other than a simple fact: No matter where he is, Derek Jeter's dong yearns for glory and said glory will be reciprocated with signed balls.

One Comment

  1. Paolo X

    December 15, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Well written

    One phrase needs to be corrected for its sins of omission via a heavy New York bias as the rest of the article avoids for the most part:
    “along with the proportionate amount of beat reporter drool.”

    This should read as follows:

    “along with the frenetic, as is seemingly perpetually deficient, amount of New York and ESPN beat reporter sucking and slurping of all things Jeter let alone Yankees.”

    /Mission’d

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