- Ode To Grantland
- Cris Collinsworth Has Actually ‘Seen Everything’
- Tom Brady Accidentally Wolfs Up During Court Room Sketch
- Gritty, Scrappy, Gutsy White Guy Inducted Into MLB Hall of Fame
- Bucs Turn To 80’s Video Game Icon To Fix Jameis
- Clyde McFly Argues Over An Eggplant, A Peach And A Smiley Face
- Traded 4 Times in 6 Days, Luke Ridnour Asks Himself … ‘Who am I?’
- Five Thirty Eight Sets Internet Ablaze With Shocking Report
- Johnny Football’s Money Sign Becomes Latest NFL Star to Retire Early
- Learn The Ins & Outs Of Beer Can Chicken From Clyde McFly
Hockey lockout ‘eh?
- Updated: September 17, 2012
As word came down about the NHL lockout, a nation of puck heads have come to the realization that they will need to turn their lonely Northern Lights impaired eyeballs to something new this fall. Without Don Cherry and Hockey Night In Canada, we have to wonder what our neighbors in the Great White North will do with all their extra time. The Hernia took to the Canadian phone book, and randomly polled 100 Canadians about their lockout plans. Some of the better responses (when we could understand what they were talking a boot) were:
– Alphabetize their team's sweater collection
– Finally get the guitar part down for Queensryche's 'Silent Lucidity'
– Wear ice skates to work in staunch protest
– Catch up on all the hella' funny Bob & Doug Mackenzie YouTube videos
– Grow mullet extra long so flowing locks can serve as emergency tissues
– Finally kick that pop habbit
– Continue to confuse the public about their place in society
– Finish that screenplay they have been working on (a Ryan RomCom featuring Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling)
– Finish a blog post about why Alanis Morissette defined the 90s
– Re-connect with the rest of the cast of 'Full House'
– Take the metro down to New York to give that total hose-head Bettman a talking to
– Taunt the crowd from NHL 94
– Replace basement wood paneling with newer wood paneling
– Help re-launch then guest star in 'Trailer Park Boys'
– Continue to bone EVERYTHING
– Buy even chunkier high tops (specifically Avias)
– Attempt to beat Contra without a cheat code
– Look to upgrade 15-year-old Stonewash Wranglers from High School
– Finally call that babe in Saskatchawan that I met on AOL Hockey Chatroom
– Grow out pube mullet
– Pick up archery
– Reenact every scene from Slap Shot and Youngblood. Again.