- Ode To Grantland
- Cris Collinsworth Has Actually ‘Seen Everything’
- Tom Brady Accidentally Wolfs Up During Court Room Sketch
- Gritty, Scrappy, Gutsy White Guy Inducted Into MLB Hall of Fame
- Bucs Turn To 80’s Video Game Icon To Fix Jameis
- Clyde McFly Argues Over An Eggplant, A Peach And A Smiley Face
- Traded 4 Times in 6 Days, Luke Ridnour Asks Himself … ‘Who am I?’
- Five Thirty Eight Sets Internet Ablaze With Shocking Report
- Johnny Football’s Money Sign Becomes Latest NFL Star to Retire Early
- Learn The Ins & Outs Of Beer Can Chicken From Clyde McFly
Bryce Harper’s Body to Bryce Harper’s Brain: ?Hey, calm down, bro?
- Updated: May 14, 2013
After sustaining yet another self-inflicted wound in its young career, Bryce Harper’s Body took an unprecedented step and sent a letter to Bryce Harper’s Brain, urging it to take it easy.
“Hey, calm down, bro,” Bryce Harper’s Body wrote a day after Bryce Harper ran directly into the outfield wall at Dodger Stadium, causing multiple stitches and sidelining the outfielder on day-to-day basis.
“I mean, don’t we want this career to last?”
The tone of the letter was both firm and cautious, as Bryce Harper’s Body seemed to realize that while it was stronger than Bryce Harper’s Brain, Bryce Harper’s Brain could direct it to injure itself at any moment.
“Listen, we should be in this togethe,” the letter read. “We’re a team. There’s no need to run me into a wall. In May. Against the Dodgers.”
Bryce Harper’s Body even made the valid argument that last night’s move also nearly caused Bryce Harper’s Brain to become concussed (although Bryce Harper’s Body secretly wonders if Bryce Harper’s Brain is in a permanent state of concussion).
“Seriously, bro,” Bryce Harper’s Body wrote. “Just settle down.”