Sports Hernia Blog

Bryce Harper’s Body to Bryce Harper’s Brain: ?Hey, calm down, bro?

Bryce Harper Bleeding

After sustaining yet another self-inflicted wound in its young career, Bryce Harper’s Body took an unprecedented step and sent a letter to Bryce Harper’s Brain, urging it to take it easy.

“Hey, calm down, bro,” Bryce Harper’s Body wrote a day after Bryce Harper ran directly into the outfield wall at Dodger Stadium, causing multiple stitches and sidelining the outfielder on day-to-day basis.

“I mean, don’t we want this career to last?”

The tone of the letter was both firm and cautious, as Bryce Harper’s Body seemed to realize that while it was stronger than Bryce Harper’s Brain, Bryce Harper’s Brain could direct it to injure itself at any moment.

“Listen, we should be in this togethe,” the letter read. “We’re a team.  There’s no need to run me into a wall. In May. Against the Dodgers.”

Bryce Harper’s Body even made the valid argument that last night’s move also nearly caused Bryce Harper’s Brain to become concussed (although Bryce Harper’s Body secretly wonders if Bryce Harper’s Brain is in a permanent state of concussion).

“Seriously, bro,” Bryce Harper’s Body wrote. “Just settle down.”