- Ode To Grantland
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- Tom Brady Accidentally Wolfs Up During Court Room Sketch
- Gritty, Scrappy, Gutsy White Guy Inducted Into MLB Hall of Fame
- Bucs Turn To 80’s Video Game Icon To Fix Jameis
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- Traded 4 Times in 6 Days, Luke Ridnour Asks Himself … ‘Who am I?’
- Five Thirty Eight Sets Internet Ablaze With Shocking Report
- Johnny Football’s Money Sign Becomes Latest NFL Star to Retire Early
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Jameis Winston Reportedly Willing to Eat Your Lunch
- Updated: May 30, 2015
Twice.
Good god, Jameis, get a hold of your bulbous gut. Or — at the very least — hire someone to put you in the Camel Clutch whenever you feel a deep, strong desire to throw chocolate ice cream, french fries, and a leather jacket into a blender, and then press “mince.” Nothing good ever comes out of that kind of smoothie, and your toilet always ends up resenting you. And really, who wants that?
However, despite such visibly poor news, we must press on with the nuts and bolts: Our official Tampa BayBuccaneers prediction has gone from “Portly” to “JaMarcus Russell Portly.”
Sure, it’s only May. But we strongly advise residents in the Tampa area to begin looking away with severe caution. Safety first.
***
For those few brave souls out there, here’s a better look at the retired rookie quarterback.
Stay strong. Remain strong. Be strong.
MinnyTwinny
May 30, 2015 at 11:25 pm
Are you ever not a complete asshole in anything you write?
Tim Ryan
June 1, 2015 at 12:19 am
No.
UKNOW
May 31, 2015 at 5:22 am
Fatt boy.