Sports Hernia Blog

Jameis Winston Reportedly Willing to Eat Your Lunch


Good god, Jameis, get a hold of your bulbous gut.  Or — at the very least — hire someone to put you in the Camel Clutch whenever you feel a deep, strong desire to throw chocolate ice cream, french fries, and a leather jacket into a blender, and then press “mince.” Nothing good ever comes out of that kind of smoothie, and your toilet always ends up resenting you. And really, who wants that?

However, despite such visibly poor news, we must press on with the nuts and bolts: Our official Tampa BayBuccaneers prediction has gone from “Portly” to “JaMarcus Russell Portly.”

Sure, it’s only May. But we strongly advise residents in the Tampa area to begin looking away with severe caution. Safety first.


For those few brave souls out there, here’s a better look at the retired rookie quarterback.


Stay strong. Remain strong. Be strong.