Sports Hernia Blog

Five Thirty Eight Sets Internet Ablaze With Shocking Report


We know that Five Thirty Eight’s ‘think tank’ mentality can get pretty cerebral, but they really can feast on themselves with this no-shit headline and article. The thought-provoking, mind bender of a piece was written by somebody named Hannah FINGERHUT (sorry, but we refuse to stop mocking people’s names). This happened to be Miss Fingerhut’s first piece on the website and, thanks to her, we learned that “dads can also reap psychological rewards by contributing financially to their families as breadwinners, according to other research.”

Wow. That’s some rich stuff. Certainly a takeaway to keep in a safe place.

Even more exciting — thanks to multiple sources within the industry — we’re hearing that Five Thirty Eight has a list in their non-gmo, gluten-free, cage-free lunch room calling for writers to cover the following:

July 4th — Fireworks Are Nice

Young Golfers Dress Colorfully 

Beer Tastes Better Cold

Some Kids Don’t Want Summer To End

Baseball Games Are Long

Water Is Pretty Wet

Taylor Swift Writes Songs

Dwight Howard Can’t Shoot Free Throws

Swimming Can Be Fun

Vacations and Why We Take Them

Print Media Might Be Dead

Being Nice to People is Nice

Seinfeld Was a Classic Television Show

We. Can. Not. Wait.