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Gritty, Scrappy, Gutsy White Guy Inducted Into MLB Hall of Fame
- Updated: July 28, 2015
Former Houston Astro, Craig Biggio, was among those inducted into the baseball Hall of Fame this past Saturday.
In the apparent interest of quite literally cementing a few classically overused white guy cliches, the always in tune folks at Major League Baseball went ahead and chose “Gritty Spark Plug” as the opening words on Biggio’s very white plaque, one that now resides in Cooperstown alongside the greatest players to ever to take the field.
The good news? We can all breathe a healthy sigh of relief knowing that Little David Eckstein failed to put up the career numbers to warrant consideration for the Hall. Because had he done so, the little fella — who became infamous for sprinting to first base upon being walked — would have likely earned him the most ridiculous plaque of all time.
We’re guessing said plaque would mostly consist of an exceedingly long sequence of “white guy” buzz words. You know, something exactly like this:
“Disciplined, Gutsy, Gritty, Scrappy, Scruffy, Sooty, Soily, Spunky, Dusty, Chalky, Grubby, Filthy, Muddy, Messy, Energetic, Enthusiastic, Tireless, Selfless, Fearless, Courageous, Tenacious, and most of all, Self-Sacrificing (boy did that David love to bunt). These traits, baseball lovers, are the 22 punch words that aptly define the mental makeup of the highly spirited and very white, very little, David Eckstein.”
We still love you, though, lil’ buddy.
In our hearts and in our minds, you’re a first ballot Hall of Famer.