- Ode To Grantland
- Cris Collinsworth Has Actually ‘Seen Everything’
- Tom Brady Accidentally Wolfs Up During Court Room Sketch
- Gritty, Scrappy, Gutsy White Guy Inducted Into MLB Hall of Fame
- Bucs Turn To 80’s Video Game Icon To Fix Jameis
- Clyde McFly Argues Over An Eggplant, A Peach And A Smiley Face
- Traded 4 Times in 6 Days, Luke Ridnour Asks Himself … ‘Who am I?’
- Five Thirty Eight Sets Internet Ablaze With Shocking Report
- Johnny Football’s Money Sign Becomes Latest NFL Star to Retire Early
- Learn The Ins & Outs Of Beer Can Chicken From Clyde McFly
Traded 4 Times in 6 Days, Luke Ridnour Asks Himself … ‘Who am I?’
- Updated: July 1, 2015
In a whirlwind span of just six days, NBA veteran Luke Ridnour was traded four times, prompting the point guard to look into the mirror and ponder, “Who am I?”
Ridnour’s agent interrupted him from a shower Tuesday to inform him that his rights were now owned by the Toronto Raptors – the 5th team to do so in just six days. Ridnour graciously thanked his agent, wiped off condensation that had accumulated on his bathroom mirror in a diagonal swipe, looked at his reflection and muttered, “Who am I?”
Toronto acquired Ridnour from the Oklahoma City Thunder, who traded his rights in exchange for the rights of Tomislav Zubcic, a European player whom many do not think will actually ever play in the NBA. Upon realizing this facet of the trade while walking in a park to clear his head, Ridnour looked at his reflection in a local koi pond and asked, “Who am I?”
Just then, a koi fish surfaced, looked at Ridnour and said, “You’re Janis Timma.”
“Who?” Ridnour asked.
“Janis Timma,” the fish said.
“Who’s that?”
“Latvian forward drafted in the second round in 2013 and currently playing overseas,” the fish gurgled back.
“I am?” Ridnour queried, still confused.
“No, just kidding,” the fish said. “That’s who the Magic traded you for, before the Grizzlies dealt you to the Hornets!”
The fish then spat a stream of dirty pond water in Ridnour’s eye and darted back underwater. As the water’s ripples settled back into a glassy calm, Ridnour saw his own reflection morph into that of Matt Barnes, the player the Grizzlies acquired in Ridnour’s deal just days earlier. Ridnour wiped his eyes and when he looked back into the pond, he saw the reflection change from Barnes, back to his own, and then to Jeremy Lamb, whom the Thunder had dealt to the Hornets to obtain Ridnour.
Tears quickly began to well up in the former Oregon star’s eyes and dripped into the pond, obscuring the reflection once again, prompting a reeling Ridnour to ask himself, again: “Who. Am. I?”
